Tuesday, May 01, 2007

The Story of Me (VIII): The One Less Traveled By

(Click to enlarge)
The gorgeous mural in the poem header is designed
by James Lim at Daytime LLP (formally known as Align Left)

There is a point to this long and rambling epic. My last post wasn't really to trumpet what an incredible fighter I am. I don't want to be known as That Girl Who Had Cancer. For the same reason I've been putting off that boob job because I don't want to be That Girl With The Fake Tits. My plan is to wait till I have a kid and then get the augementation so that I'll be That Girl Whose Boobs Never Deflated After The Baby.

Whoops, I think I've just given the game away. Um, where was I?

This is supposed to be a diary of a start-up, not my pseudo memoirs. Since I don't know how it's going to end, better to think of this as a Choose My Own Adventure.

The point I wanted to illustrate is I never had a plan, or a mission to do anything. I come to conclusions based to discovering what I don't want to do. It's a long and bothersome road, but I am who I am, there's not much choice in the matter. If you're like me, then the only option for you is to try anything and everything. You can't be directionless AND unadventurous because then you're not going anywhere. I really envy those people with A Mission. My sister has A Mission - she's a great doctor, had an aptitude for the studies and loves the work. She doesn't have to think too much because she's got her roadmap.

But for people like us, there is no such luxury. You have to explore, follow a track as far as it will go and be willing to retrace your steps if it doesn't work out. Because unfortunately, I don't want to follow the beaten path. I never did. It was so hard to decide on an educational stream or course of study, to lock myself into a profession for life. I always grew bored of highways and well-lit roads because a million people had already been down that path. I could see the end before I began. There was no adventure, only .... only precedent.

It takes alot of courage to accept this about ourselves. It's in our genetic make-up to strive for security, we have responsibilities, we want things. Material things, designer clothes, holidays...

The first time I left my agency to try to pursue my ambition, I failed miserably. I tiptoed around aimlessly for about a month before grabbing the next job that came along because it was all so scary! The fear kept me from wandering too far away from the streetlamp and I just didn't have the guts.

But there is some consolation. If you apply yourself to every task that comes along, nothing you do is wasted. Every avenue I've explored, every track I've sniffed down has produced a result in one form or another. Learning builds confidence. I can backtrack every idea, every thought within an idea to a wrong turning I made somewhere in my life. Making mistakes primes you. In fact, mistakes are absolutely crucial.

So celebrate every bad decision, every fault, every blunder because before anything else, you must conquer your fear of failure.
And the only way to do that is to fail*.

*Ummm....needless to say please learn from those failures otherwise that's just dumb.

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