Look at my hands.
A chiromancer would say that I think and worry far too much, and he would be right. It's in my nature to project and extrapolate, to worry a situation to bits until I feel confident I've got everything covered.
Being on my own really tests some of my limits. Today's real estate drama for instance. My natural anxiety levels double because (a) there's no-one to fall back on should things f*ck up; and (b) it's my money that I stand to lose - not an agency's or client's corporate dollars which can be written off as a tax claim at the end of the year. It's money from my own pocket.
It turns out that the unit I had looked at over the weekend was not yet available because the existing tenant had broken a contractual agreement, and the landlord had to tread lightly because of an existing relationship. So it's 70% likely they would be moving out, but they may stay if the LL and tenant come to an understanding.
If they stay, I would get another unit a couple of doors down. Not as ideal in terms of positioning, but still good.
Why did both the agents feel the need to pressure me by saying all the units had been taken up, pushing me to put down a deposit and sign an LOI before soneone else nabbed it when it wasn't the truth? *shakes head*
Now - if they had been transparent about this situation right up, it would have saved alot of grief. I would have agreed to it anyway, there was no need to bullshit me.
A Con: Starting-up means dealing with things beyond your control and bearing all the responsiblities and consequences of your decisions. There's no-one to blame or fall back on, and even if there was, you'd still have to clean up the mess.
In any case, I have decided to trust. I believe that given a choice, most people will do the right thing and I also believe in karma. I deserve to be treated with fairness so....I trust that things will work out, eternal optimist that I am!
I also came across a remarkable insight the other night as I was squirming in bed, excited about the future.
As scary as it is to take a leap of faith, there is a huge liberation and freedom once you've taken the plunge. It's so different from anything I've experienced before.
Like, when I was working it would be totally exciting waiting for the result fo a pitch, or the night before starting at a new agency. But the excitement was limited. There was a box in which everything would or could happen. A structure in place over which I had very little control. So the worst, and the best, that could happen lay within the boundaries of that constraint.
Some would think that security and risk-free environment is good.
But the way I see it - when you leap into the abyss, the world is your oyster. You are at the helm of all possibilities.
I'm a huge HUGE fan of Neil Gaiman, and no wonder because his graphic novel series, The Sandman, is about the god of Dreams. Vol. 6: Fables & Reflections opens with a story called Fear of Falling - it's about a young man who has become paralysed by fear. One night, he falls asleep and meets the Sandman in his dreams. Here is an excerpt* from that story. Click through to Flickr to read them properly.
*I know I shouldn't be posting something I have no permission to use. If anyone objects, tell me and I will take it down.